Welcome to my living obituary.
I've always thought of my life as timed by the events of others' deaths. Ever since I was a young girl, death and time have been like sibilings in my mind.
I was only about five when my aunt died in her sleep. When I was in the 4th grade, my grandmother passed away. A few years later, my grandfather, then, as I had just graduated high school, my father died. My sisterdied just before I graduated from college. All of these losses have had an impact on me, preparing myself for my own demise, but for the earthly demise of others as well.
Although I don't fear death, I do fear being forgotten. I often think about those who came before me. There are so many people in my family that I only know by name because of genealogical research I did years ago when looking for my father's sister. I didn't know anything about these people, and neither did my father, who grew up in foster care. I was the result of these people, the end of their legacy, and all I knew was that they had lived and died, that they had had children, and their children had had children. It was a miserable thought to have.
This reveleation was made worse when my father passed away. When my family sat in a conference room of the funeral home to write his obituary, I couldn't stop thinking about how small this summary was of his legacy. Most people who opened the next morning's newspaper would skip the obituaries, and those that would read it, would find only a few sentences to summarize the life and legacy of a man who had had such a profound impact on me and others. I couldn't help but think of all of that genealogical research I had done years ago, when I had found so many gaps and holes, people who I only knew by name.
It didn't feel like it was enough for me, or for anyone else, so I created this neocities page as a living obituary, somewhere to record who I am as a person, as I change and grow, as previous versions of me die and resurrect like the cycles of winter and spring.
Please enjoy your stay.
